What makes someone magnetic? Why do some people seem to navigate social and professional interactions effortlessly while others struggle to connect? Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral investigator and bestselling author, argues that charisma is not an inherent trait but a science-backed skill anyone can learn. Her groundbreaking work focuses on the “hidden language of cues”—subtle, often subconscious signals that shape how we perceive and are perceived by others.

Vanessa’s personal journey is as compelling as her research. Once a self-proclaimed “awkward person,” she struggled with conversations, often feeling out of place and misunderstood. Her transformative moment came when she realized that charisma could be studied and learned like any other skill. Since then, she has helped over 400,000 students unlock their potential through actionable, research-based strategies for communication and connection.

The Hidden Language of Cues

Vanessa’s work is rooted in a powerful insight: 82% of the impressions we form about others are based on warmth and competence. These two traits are universally recognized as indicators of trustworthiness and ability. The key to making a strong impression is learning to signal both effectively.

Non-verbal communication plays a crucial role in this process. Vanessa explains that our brains prioritize gestures over words, making congruence between the two essential. For example, a speaker who says “I have a big idea” but gestures something small creates cognitive dissonance in the listener. By contrast, a speaker who aligns their words with expressive, purposeful hand gestures comes across as more authentic and compelling.

Vanessa’s analysis of TED Talks offers a striking example of this principle. She and her team found that the most-watched TED speakers used nearly twice as many hand gestures as their less-viewed counterparts. Gestures serve as a second track of communication, reinforcing spoken words and engaging the audience on a deeper level.

Mastering First Impressions and Resting Face

First impressions matter, and Vanessa emphasizes the importance of understanding the signals we send before we even speak. One critical factor is your “resting face”—the expression your face naturally holds when at rest. A neutral face that appears sad, angry, or distant can unintentionally signal negativity. Vanessa suggests counteracting this by consciously lifting the corners of your mouth or using makeup tricks to brighten your features, especially during initial interactions.

This extends to digital spaces as well. In profile pictures, avoid showing too much of the whites of your eyes or using inauthentic smiles, both of which can signal anxiety or disingenuousness. Instead, aim for a genuine smile that activates the muscles around your eyes, creating an impression of warmth and confidence.

The Science of Connection

At the heart of Vanessa’s philosophy is the idea that connection is not just about being liked but about liking others first. Research on popularity reveals that the most well-liked individuals tend to have long lists of people they themselves like. By actively expressing appreciation and interest in others, you create a positive feedback loop that enhances your likability.

One simple strategy Vanessa recommends is sending a message when someone crosses your mind. A quick note like “I was just thinking of you” can deepen relationships without feeling burdensome. This approach isn’t about maintaining surface-level connections but about investing in relationships that energize and uplift you.

Charisma and Context

Vanessa’s framework also highlights the importance of understanding your social and physical environment. Knowing where and with whom you thrive allows you to optimize your interactions. She advises identifying the people and situations that either drain or recharge your social battery and setting boundaries accordingly.

For professional settings, proximity to high performers can significantly impact your success. Vanessa cites research showing that sitting within 25 feet of a high performer boosts your own performance by 15%, while proximity to a low performer decreases it by 30%. This underscores the contagious nature of both positive and negative cues.

The Role of Intentional Communication

Words are another powerful tool in the language of cues. Vanessa shares a study where participants played a game labeled either “The Community Game” or “The Wall Street Game.” Although the game itself was identical, those told they were playing “The Community Game” acted more collaboratively. This demonstrates the profound impact a single word can have on behavior. In professional and personal interactions, intentional language—whether in emails, calendar invites, or conversations—can prime others for success.

The Charisma Formula

Charisma, Vanessa explains, is the ability to signal both warmth and competence in a way that resonates with others. This balance is crucial. Too much competence without warmth can make you appear intimidating or unapproachable, while excessive warmth without competence may undermine your credibility. The goal is to find your unique recipe for these cues, allowing you to connect authentically without “faking it.”

For example, Vanessa’s signature “steeple” gesture—where the hands form a relaxed triangle—is a subtle but powerful signal of competence. On the warmth side, small behaviors like smiling, nodding, or showing genuine interest in others can make a significant impact.

Changing Your Narrative

Perhaps the most transformative aspect of Vanessa’s work is her focus on self-perception. She introduces the concept of “self-narrative”—the story we tell ourselves about who we are. Whether you see yourself as a hero, healer, or victim influences how you interact with the world. By shifting your narrative and embracing small acts of heroism, you can reshape your identity and approach to connection.

Vanessa Van Edwards’ work is a testament to the power of intentionality in communication. Whether you’re aiming to ace a job interview, deepen a friendship, or simply feel more confident in social settings, mastering the science of cues can change your life. As Vanessa reminds us, this journey isn’t about becoming someone you’re not; it’s about amplifying the best parts of who you already are.

So, the next time you walk into a room, remember: every gesture, word, and expression is an opportunity to connect. What cues will you send?

https://www.scienceofpeople.com